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Your writing shows original effort in doing the task. I can see that you’ve made
mistakes, which are evident that you do the task yourself. Thumbs up for that!
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Your writing is a bit incoherent and not quite organized. The body paragraph is
rather confusing as the idea isn’t well-connected yet. Be more organized.
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The content is quite mix-up. Revise the organization of the content. The second
paragraph should mention your role model
’
s life event, the third his/her
achievement, and the last how s/he inspires you or what lessons you learn from
him/her. Following the guided questions is recommended.
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Your writing contains many major and minor grammatical errors. Check
capitalization (a pronoun is not capitalized if it doesn
’
t begin a sentence.),