TF: What interests you most about spiritual bypassing these days?
JW: I’m interested in how it plays out in relationships, where spiritual bypassing often
wreaks its worst havoc. If you were a yogi in a cave doing years of solo retreat, your
psychological wounding might not show up so much because your focus would be
entirely on your practice, in an environment that may not aggravate your relational
wounds. It’s in relationships that our unresolved psychological issues tend to show up
most intensely. That’s because psychological wounds are always relational — they form in
and through our relationships with our early caretakers.
The basic human wound, which is prevalent in the modern world, forms around not
feeling loved or intrinsically lovable as we are. Inadequate love or attunement is shocking
and traumatic for a child’s developing and highly sensitive nervous system. And as we
internalize how we were parented, our capacity to value ourselves, which is also the basis
for valuing others, becomes damaged. I call this a “relational wound“ or the “wound of
the heart.”
TF: What interests you most about spiritual bypassing these days?JW: I’m interested in how it plays out in relationships, where spiritual bypassing oftenwreaks its worst havoc. If you were a yogi in a cave doing years of solo retreat, yourpsychological wounding might not show up so much because your focus would beentirely on your practice, in an environment that may not aggravate your relationalwounds. It’s in relationships that our unresolved psychological issues tend to show upmost intensely. That’s because psychological wounds are always relational — they form inand through our relationships with our early caretakers.The basic human wound, which is prevalent in the modern world, forms around notfeeling loved or intrinsically lovable as we are. Inadequate love or attunement is shockingand traumatic for a child’s developing and highly sensitive nervous system. And as weinternalize how we were parented, our capacity to value ourselves, which is also the basisfor valuing others, becomes damaged. I call this a “relational wound“ or the “wound ofthe heart.”
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