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Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage
03/06/2014
Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.
My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.
" This couple in this picture who lives happily and contented with each other after the wedding up to this time "(Please note the image shown is for illustration purposes only) Image by Jear Redondo Batiforra
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
Related Article :
A woman’s response to “Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage
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MEEMS สังคมชุดของใบเสนอราคา สร้างแรงบันดาลใจ หัวใจสัมผัส รักเรื่องราวและอื่น ๆคำแนะนำที่สวยงามจากชายคนหนึ่งหย่าหลังจากแต่งงาน 16 ปี03/06/2014แนะนำที่สวยงามจากชายคนหนึ่งหย่าหลังจากแต่งงาน 16 ปีแนะนำของฉันหลังจากการหย่าร้างต่อปี 16 ของแต่งงาน โดยเจอรัลด์โรเจอร์ส"คู่นี้ภาพชีวิตอยู่อย่างมีความสุข และพึงพอใจ ด้วยกันหลังแต่งงานจนถึงเวลานี้" (กรุณาหมายเหตุรูปที่แสดงเป็นภาพประกอบเท่า) ภาพ โดย Jear กันเรดอนโด Batiforra แน่นอน ฉันไม่มีผู้เชี่ยวชาญความสัมพันธ์ แต่มีเรื่องหย่าของฉันกำลังขั้นสุดท้ายในสัปดาห์นี้ที่ให้ฉันสิ่งที่ฉันต้องการฉันจะทำแตกต่างกันที่มุมมอง ... หลังจากสูญเสียผู้หญิงที่ผมรัก และความเกือบ 16 ปี นี่คือคำแนะนำที่ฉันต้องการฉันจะมี1. ไม่หยุด courting ไม่หยุดหาคู่ เคยมีผู้หญิงที่ได้รับ เมื่อคุณถามเธอจะแต่งงานกับคุณ คุณสัญญาให้ ผู้ชายคนนั้นจะใจเธอเอง และจงปกป้อง นี้เป็นสมบัติสำคัญ และศักดิ์สิทธิ์ที่สุดที่คุณจะเคยได้รับมอบหมายด้วย เธอเลือกคุณ ไม่เคยลืม และไม่ได้รับเลซี่ในความรักของคุณ2. ปกป้องหัวใจของคุณเอง เหมือนคุณมุ่งมั่นที่จะเป็นตัวป้องกันของหัวใจเธอ คุณต้องปกป้องคุณเองกับระมัดระวังเหมือนกัน รักตัวเองทั้งหมด รักโลกอย่างเปิดเผย แต่มีพิเศษที่ในใจที่ไม่ต้องยกเว้นภรรยาของคุณ ไว้เสมอพร้อมที่จะรับเธอเชิญเธอใน และปฏิเสธที่จะให้ใครหรือสิ่งอื่นที่ป้อนมี3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.7. ไม่โทษภรรยาของคุณถ้าคุณผิดหวังหรือโกรธที่เธอ เพราะถูกเรียกสิ่งภายในของคุณ พวกเขามีอารมณ์ของคุณ และความรับผิดชอบของคุณ เมื่อคุณรู้สึกว่าความรู้สึกเหล่านั้นใช้เวลาในการรับ นำ และลักษณะภายใน และเข้าใจอะไร เป็นภายในของคุณที่ถามเพื่อจะ healed คุณได้ดึงดูดให้ผู้หญิงคนนี้ เพราะเธอเป็นคนที่เหมาะสมที่สุดเพื่อทริกเกอร์ทั้งหมดของวัยเด็กของคุณแผลแบบเจ็บปวดมากที่สุดเพื่อให้คุณสามารถรักษาได้... เมื่อคุณรักษาด้วยตัวคุณเอง คุณจะไม่ถูกทริกเกอร์ โดยเธอ คุณจะสงสัยว่า ทำไมคุณเคยได้8. ให้คุณผู้หญิงเป็นเพียง เมื่อเธอเศร้า หรืออารมณ์เสีย ไม่แก้ไขงานของคุณ ไปเก็บเธอ และให้เธอรู้อยู่ ให้เธอรู้ว่า คุณได้ยินเสียงเธอ และว่า เธอมีความสำคัญ และที่เสาที่ซึ่งเธอสามารถจะเรียนรู้ วิญญาณผู้หญิงกำลังเปลี่ยนแปลงและอารมณ์เช่นพายุ อารมณ์ของเธอจะม้วนออก และคุณยังคงแข็งแรง และ unjudging เธอจะเชื่อถือคุณ และเปิดจิตใจของคุณ... ไม่ RUN-AWAY เมื่อเธอผิดหวัง ยืนอยู่ และแข็งแรง และให้เธอรู้ว่า คุณไม่ได้ไปเลย ฟังอะไรเธอจริง ๆ บอกว่า หลังคำและอารมณ์9. จะโง่...ไม่ใช้เองดังนั้นไอ้อย่างจริงจัง หัวเราะ และทำให้เธอหัวเราะ เสียงหัวเราะทำให้อะไร ๆ ง่ายขึ้น10. ข้อมูลทุกวันจิตใจของเธอ...เรียนรู้ภาษารักของเธอและวิธีการระบุว่า เธอรู้สึกสำคัญ และตรวจ และหวงแหน ถามเพื่อสร้างรายการของ 10 สิ่งที่ทำให้เธอรู้สึกรัก และจดจำสิ่งเหล่านั้น และให้ความสำคัญทุกวันทำให้เธอรู้สึกเหมือนเป็นราชินี11. สามารถนำเสนอ ให้เธอไม่เท่าของเวลา โฟกัส ความสนใจของคุณ และคู่ของคุณ ไม่เพียงใช้ล้างศีรษะเพื่อให้เมื่อคุณกับเธอ คุณมีพร้อมกับเธอ รักษาเธอ ตามที่คุณต้องการให้ลูกค้าของคุณดีที่สุด เธอได้12. จะยอมพาเธอทางเพศ เฉี่ยวเธอในอำนาจของตนผู้ชาย การใช้เธอกินเธอ มีความแข็งแรงของคุณ และบุกเธอระดับลึกที่สุดของชีวิตของเธอ ให้เธอละลายในความนุ่มนวลของเธอผู้หญิงเธอรู้ว่า เธอสามารถไว้วางใจคุณเต็ม13. ไม่เป็นคนบ้า... และอย่ากลัวจะ คุณจะทำผิดพลาด และจะไม่ให้ เธอ พยายามไม่ให้มากเกินไปของข้อผิดพลาด และเรียนรู้จากสิ่งที่คุณทำ นอกจากนี้คุณไม่ไม่ควรจะเป็นเหมาะ เพียงแค่พยายามที่จะไม่โง่เกินไป14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
Related Article :
A woman’s response to “Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage
6425
SHARES
Sponsored Links
You May Like
Smart Health - New health benefits associated with hempseed oilSmart Health
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by Taboola
← Gangnam Style dance Craze next super star!
Married Or Not, You Should Read This →
RECENT QUOTES
I guess the real fact of the matter is.25/07/2015We are often let down by the most trusted people and loved by the most unexpected ones.25/07/2015If you claim to love me, show me.19/07/2015
View More Quotes Here
YOU MUST READ THIS!
6 Types of Men to Avoid When DatingA carpenter discovered something moving in a trash bag outside his house. When he saw what was inside, it gave him quite the shock!In a Long-Distance Relationship? Five Things You Can Do to Keep
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