Broken. As a person. Broken. Somewhere.
Hm, feels like I found the answer. I only noticed when she pointed it out, but my state of mind right now is strange. I think I’m looking at lives lightly. My own, and also those of others. Which is why I could add and subtract them so easily. Calculate the (number of lives saved) – (number of lives lost), and if the answer comes up positive, then take that choice. Like a system made to do such thing.
“Ah … so it’s something like that”
“Hm?”
“Before I noticed, I might have been acting under a ‘King’ system. It’s as if I was able to come up with the best decision because I’m programmed for it”
“She-stem? Prog-ram? Oi, what are you talking about!?”
Carla yelled, and I smiled in self-derision.
“Carla, I might really be a ‘fake King’ after all”
“Wha!?”
“You see, I couldn’t send soldiers to battle without ‘turning into a King'”⁴
⁴ «TN: i.e. a real King wouldn’t have to turn into anything – just be himself»
I’m a coward. I don’t like hurting, I don’t like dying. I don’t want to see others hurt or die, either. In order for such a me to attend a battle, I had no other choice but to ‘turn into’ a King under a State system, to tell myself, because you’re a King, this is what you do, to seal my ego and do what needs to be done. Otherwise, I would be crushed under the weight of the lives lost due to my choices.
“I can’t laugh at the previous King. If there’s a replacement I’ll go resign right away”
“… why are you voicing your weakness to me”
“It’s the other way round. I can’t possibly voice them to Liscia and the others”
I’ll only needlessly worry them. Especially Liscia, she’s very earnest, she even considered pressing the throne on me her own responsibility ….
That moment, something changed in the battlefield before my eyes.