how pleasant she's being?
It wasn't a criticism.
So what are you doing?
Oh, I'm just looking
at some of my old paintings.
What, you did these?
I did all the artwork
in this house.
That's amazing!
Oh, I wish I could paint
like this.
Well, you can.
It's as easy as one,
two, three.
One is yellow,
two is blue, and three is red.
Wait a minute.
We have paint-by-number art
on our walls?
Have you forgotten that I am
dating เซอร์เอ็มเมทท์ ลอว์สัน?
I don't think anyone
can forget that.
And don't you have
bigger things to worry about...
Tubby?
How can my skirt be
tighter than I remember?
I've been eating a ton
of magic diet candy.
Well, the way the magic works
is sometimes you gain
a teeny bit of weight
in the beginning, but you'll definitely
start losing it.
I can barely breathe
in this thing!
Melanie, pray with me that
the candy kicks in soon.
Dear lord...
Please look with favor
on the magic candy
of my dear friend Melanie,
your servant--
Okay, Victoria, stop. Stop before I get hit
by lighting.
Um...
I'm gonna tell you something.
Jesus!
Is lord.
All right,
now we're up to
the christening part.
And you know how well
that went.
Mrs. Scroggs, will your
husband be joining us?
Hard to say.
He went out for groceries
years ago.
Haven't heard from him since.
Another fun fact.
Both Owen and the baby
were born out of wedlock.
Well, at least there's
one innocent among us.
Thank you.
I was referring
to the baby.
Well, you certainly couldn't
have been referring to Melanie.
She's a sinner and a liar
and a betrayer.
Getting you to shut up
about your boyfriend
was worth a few bags
of candy.
Bags?
Oh, my...
Shall we begin
the christening?
Is it really a christening
if the baby shows up
in a dingy old nappy?
Again, Wilbur is wearing
a onesie.
He's comfortable.
When you ask God to free
your child from original sin,
you should be worried
about making him look his best,
not how quickly
you can unsnap his crotch!
Mother,
this is what Owen wants.
Actually,
Owen just wants this to be over.
รีจอยร่า, I simply don't
understand why you dismiss
all my wishes after
everything I've done for you.
Everything you've done for me?
Oh, please.
Name one thing
you've ever done for me.
Saved you from
a miserable marriage
to that teenage hooligan
who got you pregnant.
Oh, what are you
talking about?
Simon never asked me
to marry him.
Because I stopped him!
What?
What?
What?
It's a miracle!
She completely changed
the course of my life
without even
consulting me.
I thought Simon
abandoned me.
Which is probably
what messed up
my relationship
with men ever since.
She's right.
She cannot pick 'em.
Owen, would you please
take Wilbur to the altar?
We'll be there soon.
So, we're still
doing this?
I may do it twice.
This kid could use
the protection.
Now, I'm going to dispense with
the lesser transgressions first.
Melanie,
what you did was wrong.
You can make it up to Victoria
by doing her bidding for a week.
And listening to her
endless Emmet Lawson stories.
So a normal week.
Thank you.
Now you.
You turned St. John
into a monkey.
In my defense, the Bible
never said what he looked like.
It would have
if he looked like a monkey.
Now, rather than
restore the painting,
we're gonna go with the whole animal motif
and turn it into a Noah's ark thing.
Fine.
I'll get my brushes.
No, you won't.
You won't.
We're gonna
hire a real artist.
I know just the artist.
It's not you.
Fine.
I'll take my talent
to the temple down the street.
Shalom.
Now to the heart
of the matter.
Finally.
Simon wanted to marry me,
and you turned him away.
How could you?
You were teenagers.
He didn't have a job.
But mostly because
I knew you'd say yes.
I was thinking about you.
But also about that little baby
and what was best for him.
That was not your choice.
And I think what's best
for me now is that you and I
- never--
Joy. Excuse me.
Mrs. Scroggs,
could you give us a moment?
Fine. I was going to ask
for a cigarette break anyway.
Now that I know my grandson
isn't a cardiologist,
I feel I can smoke
as much as I want.
Why did you send her out?
I need her to hear
all the ways she's hurt me.
And I need for her to say she's
sorry for everything she's done!
Joy, please.
People often
ask me to mediate
confrontations
with their parents,
hoping to get
the same thing you want.
But out of times,
what they get
is a defensive,
wounded parent
who remembers things
differently.
And the relationship
only worsens.
I'll take those odds.
I need this.
Look, you need to do
what you think is right,
but maybe you could
take a cue from Melanie.
What do you mean?
Sometimes we get
more of what we want with candy.
What, so I'm just
supposed to forgive her?
We are pretty big
on forgiveness here.
Well, can you recommend
a church that's big on revenge?
Because I want to go there.
Oh, and then Emmet texted me
the funniest thing from London.
Wait, I want to get it
word for word.
Uh, "I'm performing
at the Old Vic,
but I'm dating
the young Vic."
Oh.
Has anyone seen Joy?
She's out on the porch.
Elka,
you're painting again.
- It's a present for you.
Really?
It's Wilbur,
in the christening gown
you gave him.
รีจอยร่า
We have to talk sometime.
Well, I definitely
have something to say to you.
Go ahead.
Let me have it.
What I want to say is...
Thank you.
What?
You were right.
I would have married Simon,
it wouldn't have lasted,
and I would've been
a single mother.
You knew how hard that was,
and you wanted to spare me.
And also...
Although I haven't
exactly enjoyed
your constant,
lifelong criticism,
I do realize it's because
you want the best for me.
And that's all
you've ever wanted.
All clean.
Boy, kids are
a lot of work.
Owen,
would you mind
a bit of advice?
Okay, sure.
When he gets older
and makes mistakes,
don't be too hard on him.
Children aren't perfect,
but they don't need to know
that you know that.
The world will tell him
he has flaws.
Try to be the one
that looks at him
with the kindest eyes.
Oh, it's getting
a bit chilly.
I need a sweater.
Can I get you anything, Joy?
No, Mom.
I think I got
everything I need.