Precisely because I was like that for so long, deep inside the habit of hesitating has rooted.
Just like someone rigidly trained as a child, I continue experiencing this repellent feeling even into adulthood.
It's a kind of trauma.
It's been that way through my entire journey, maybe there's no reason to worry about it after all this time.
I have made it all the way here with good results.
"I see.