Why questions
Questions that begin with the word why rarely give you anything from the listener other than defensiveness. And with good reason! Essentially, you’ve asked the listener to defend the position he holds, or the actions he has taken, rather than discussing what’s important to him about the positions and actions. Why questions don’t allow for an answer that provides much of anything except for excuses and defensiveness, and they often elicit nothing more than an “I don’t know” from the listener. Plus, they run the risk of making people feel like kindergarteners being scolded by the principal. For example:
Why did you write that e-mail to accounting?
Why didn’t you call Christina to tell her about the change to the staff meeting?
Why did you think Reece would be okay with that?
With the right inquisitive tone, some why questions may be okay (especially in private meetings, like those I describe later in this chapter). But instead of fretting whether you’ve mastered the correct tone, you can simply use an imperative statement if you think finding out why an employee did what she did will help you understand her perspective: “Tell me about the e-mail to accounting.”