In most households with multiple children, sibling rivalry exists to some degree. Tension between brothers often includes some form of aggressive behavior and strife between sisters often results in hurt feelings and damaged emotions. Fighting between brothers and sisters usually includes a mix of both. As a parent, you can't always play referee, but you can establish some rules of conduct to help your children learn to fight fair.
Define the Problem
As a parent, you might feel like pulling your hair out every time your children get into an argument, but it isn't your job to solve the problem. Your role is to teach your kids how to respond and deal with frustrations, so that they can resolve conflicts on their own. According to the article "How to Handle Back Talk," on the Family Education website, one rule for fighting fair is to define the problem. Helping your children learn how to define the real problem can help them resolve issues before the issues escalate into full-blow fights. For example, you might coach your kids by saying, "Susie, why do you think your brother is frustrated with you right now? Did you do something that wasn't kind?" Or, you might say, "James, are you really upset because your brother called you Jimmy or because you don't want him messing up your room and playing with your video game?" Defining the problem makes it easier for your children to address the root cause behind their frustration, and to respond with fair and reasonable behavior.
Encourage Self-Control
Hitting, kicking, biting and yelling usually make fights between children more intense and more difficult to control. You'll likely need to lay down ground rules and punishments for that type of behavior, such as timeouts, sending your child to her room, removing contentious toys and making the offending child apologize. Unless you have twins or children of equal size, the weakest child will likely get the bad end of the deal once aggressive behavior is expressed. Encourage your children to exhibit self-control even when they're angry, and remind them that hitting, biting and kicking leave scratches and bruises that hurt. Disallow name calling, even if it's humorous or sarcastic. Teaching your children to exhibit self-control at home will also help when conflicts arise in the classroom or on the playground.