But in fact I've to tell you this which I Think you should know and take with you.
The Money I showed you was mostly from my extra hard work and a Little piece from a change of my house loan. I was convinced that these Money could let us get married, but when you told me that this only was the half amount, I just resigned. You see if I've to get the rest to get you I can tell you the truth, then when I've it, I will be dead. This is too much for me, and my doctor told me 3 weeks ago that I've to stop this kind of working. In other case the kidney I got transpantated will stop working. She told me that if I go on like this, she can not help me anymore. This information gave me a brain reaction. Who is more Worth on this earth for my self, if it's not my self!
Thanks for you let me send this mail now after my drummer Bosse just leave and as I've told you Before, he is one of my two best friends ever, and we Believe it will be like that.
Cholticha, we arguing to each other, both me and you, more or less continously which I relate to a real relation. I Think this will continue all the time and when you told me, more or less go to hell, I felt from my heart sadness, but my brain told me, Now you will have peace in yourself and you must also take care of yourself. The problem is that: I really Love You. I've really tried to forget you and go on with my own Life, which of course I can, but there is Always one major part missing, and that is You..