i know that. and i tell you that i live open gay and don't hide that i love men, but i don't also not show it special. if i love, i show it. if i be asked i tell it. that is a risk for you :-)). or perhaps a chance to jump in into a normal flowing live. so you will find out your own way to manage that. i know that many thai-guy in their family live hidden and go to another place to live it sometimes more open. and i see that the thai culture is motte open to gays then the swiss people is. in thailand it is a law that is not allowed anybody to discriminate in case of his gayness. and i know too that in real it is not so easy. my thai-brother in tamot, jimmy told it only to the brothers and sisters and to one ant, not to his mother. later he did because first we thougth that we could be a couple and he found out that he see in me a big brother he never has (even his father was gone away). that's why he came out. the reactions? nothing bad happens. all people feel happy that he have a farrang-gay-brother now. so that is hos way. my way i told you yet. it was not easy as well. i came out and lost the hole network except my childern, my mother, my brother and one close friend. i lived in a conservative area. so i started a new life in in case of that i will never hiide my gayness and never lie to do not show it. i cannot do that any more. but i understand you in your situation and i promisse i do not compromise you. that is my coment to that. hold up your head. there is no reason to feel in shame or guilty. you only fear. a normal human feeling. i know this feeling. and i know it is temporarily except we hold the fear with our thinking. let it flow and enjoy your fearness in all facettes. then you will find out how you will manage this situation. okay? kisses and warmely hug^^