Dear K. Kanchanaporn:I’ve attached a PDF image of your homework. You earned a grade of 1.0 out of 3 as follows:Grammar: 0.5 out of 1.5Content: 0.5 out of 1.5I’ve also attached an image of a paragraph from another student who earned a perfect grade (3 out of 3), so you can compare the two paragraphs. In your homework, your paragraph lacks coherence. You’re supposed to write about the room, but you write about yourself and most of your examples don't support your topic sentence about dirt.Your topic sentence, almost always the first sentence, should be the ONE idea you want to write about concerning the topic.For example, page 11 of your textbook has a paragraph whose topic is Switzerland. A person can write thousands of things about Switzerland, but a topic sentence is supposed to have ONE main idea about the topic: one thing about Switzerland and then some supporting sentences to explain that ONE main idea. In the book, the ONE main idea about Switzerland is that it’s a great place to visit. The writer doesn’t write, “I like…”In contrast, you wrote about many things: yourself; your listening to the teacher; your ideas about a good study environment (without any facts to back up your opinion); and some weak observations about the room.Your poor, unclear thinking results in poor, unclear writing. It’s a scattered, disorganized mess.Compare your work to what the other student wrote.Given your weak attendance record and lack of homework practice, I’m not surprised at the poor quality of your work.
For all your future writing assignments, please remember to proofread your work and check it against the new ZERO RULES. I will give a zero to any mistakes I see that fall under those rules.If you have any questions, please feel free to visit me during my office hours or e-mail me.Good luck this semester,Paul
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