I'm not happy because I stand firm, I don't want or I don't have the strenght to move and change my situation, and neither I prove. I think a bit like you. There is a person that loves me, but I can't love her. I have a big hole in my heart, and I don't know if ever will heal. My situation from last year doesn't change a lot, I'm less angry but more disillused and demotivated, also about love and life in general. But as I told you it's only a question of mind and convinction to react, without these things you can't move. And I know when I'll decide to do it, it will be all very easy, and I'll feel very stupid not to do before, but this needs effort, and it is easier stay firm.
This is how I feel now