TF: What would help our sangha communities develop in more emotionally honest
ways?
JW: We need to work on relationships. Otherwise our relational wounds are all
going to be played out in the sangha unconsciously. We need to recognize that
everything we react to in others is a mirror of something we’re not facing or
acknowledging in ourselves. These unconscious projections and reactions always
become played out externally in groups.
For instance, if I’m not able to own my own needs, then I will tend to dismiss
others’ needs and see them as a threat because their neediness subconsciously
reminds me of my own denied needs. And I will judge others and use some kind
of “dharma logic” to make them wrong or make myself superior.
TF: So people need to be doing their personal work?
JW: In conjunction with their spiritual practice. Unfortunately, it’s not easy to
find psychotherapists who work with present experiencing in a body-based way,
rather than conceptually. Maybe we need to develop some simple ways in
Western dharma communities to help people work with their personal material.
TF: How can we become more conscious in our sanghas?
JW: We could start by recognizing the fact that spiritual communities are subject
to the same group dynamics that every group is. The hard truth is that spiritual
16
practice often does not heal deep wounding in the area of love, or translate into
skilful communication or interpersonal attunement.
I see relationship as the leading edge of human evolution at this time in history.
Although humanity discovered enlightenment thousands of years ago, we still
haven’t brought that illumination very fully into the area of interpersonal
relationships. Group dynamics are especially difficult because they inevitably
trigger people’s relational wounds and reactivity. Honestly recognizing this
might help us work more skillfully with communication difficulties in the
sangha.