Mark Zuckerberg (founder and CEO, Facebook): I was in my sophomore year at Harvard. It was 2003, which is the year that historians call The Dunce’s Millennium because the world was dark chaos. Everyone was running around with all of their secrets locked up in their brains. Nobody knew anybody’s favorite movies. Nobody knew what anybody else looked like in a bathing suit. I wanted to change that.
Eduardo Saverin (co-founder, Facebook): Mark and I were roommates at Harvard. He was a computer guy, and I was a money guy. I had 40 dollars.
Mark Zuckerberg: I knew that if I wanted to create the open and connected world of my dreams, I had to make a real impact, and the way to do that was to do what I did best: start a website that everyone wanted to look at and that would make people say, “Here’s the website.” This became my life’s goal. I had the computer skills, but I needed 40 dollars to make it happen. I called 911 and said, “This is Mark Zuckerberg. Who has 40 dollars?” and the police said, “Eduardo Saverin has 40 dollars.”
Eduardo Saverin: I had just won the Nobel Prize in Economics for having 40 dollars. All of a sudden, Mark bursts into the room and says, “Eduardo, I’ve gone insane with ambition. Let’s make the most popular website in the whole world.” So, Mark and I began making website after website in an attempt to become kings of the internet. There were some missteps at first.
Mark Zuckerberg: The first website we made was www.MakeMyNudesFight.com. The premise of the site was simple: A user uploads two photographs of themselves in the nude by cramming them backwards into their printer. At the MakeMyNudesFight headquarters, I receive your nudes and generate two 3D models based on your nudes. Then we have the two nude versions of you wrestle each other in a gorgeously rendered digital death match. Both nudes die. Every time. And that’s the MakeMyNudesFight.com Guarantee.
Eduardo Saverin: MakeMyNudesFight.com generated 8 million hits in the first six minutes. It was a hit, and we all thought, “This is great!” But then something went wrong. One of the nudes survived the digital death match, which clearly violated the MakeMyNudesFight.com Guarantee. We were sued into oblivion. We went bankrupt.
Mark Zuckerberg: After the failure of MakeMyNudesFight.com, I became incredibly unpopular. I got an email from the president of Harvard that said, “I can’t wait for you to die.” The subject line of the email was “An Electronic Prayer.” I kept trying to think of an idea, but nothing was coming. Things looked bleak. I needed a miracle. I was lucky enough to get two.
Cameron And Tyler Winklevoss (inventors of Facebook, identical river giants): We recall the first time we laid eyes on Zuckerberg, the deceitful Serpent Supreme. Yes my brother we remember, we remember the Serpent Supreme whose word is law to all the warthogs of the jungle. He was repulsive to us but we also knew that he was the King of Computer Magic. Yes the king but disgusting so disgusting my brother I am in love with your water skills. Thank you for saying so my sweet brother when you are paddling your rowboat I cannot even believe it. Yes my brother let’s never be apart. And so anyway we saw the Serpent Supreme Zuckerberg and we knew he was strong in the ways of Computer Magic so we put our hands in each other’s pockets and walked over to the Serpent Supreme and we told him our idea for a website.
Divya Narendra (friend of the Winklevoss Twins): The magnificent rowboat twins and I had developed an idea for a website called HarvardConnection.com. The website provided an online space where Harvard students could go to find out if their classmates could swim. You would upload a picture of your face, and then you’d be asked to check a box that said either “I can swim” or “I’m proud as hell to announce that I can’t swim.”
Mark Zuckerberg: As soon as the furious boat clones told me about HarvardConnection, I immediately saw the potential. Before HarvardConnection, the only way to find out whether your classmates could swim was by throwing them into a lake and seeing if they drowned. HarvardConnection had the potential to revolutionize the social scene at Harvard forever. I said to the Winklevoss Twins, “Twins, I will help you make your website.”
Eduardo Saverin: Mark walks into the dorm room and he’s got this huge grin on his face. I said to him, “Mark, what’s going on?” and Mark says to me, “I have a great idea for a website to steal. It’s called Facebook, and I didn’t invent it.” I said to Mark, “Let’s do it.”
Cameron And Tyler Winklevoss: At first we were glad when Zuckerberg the Serpent Supreme agreed to help us make our website yes my brother we thought he would help us, we trusted him my beloved brother we sleep in the same bed and dream in unison I love it we should not have trusted Zuckerberg the Serpent Prince Of Warthogs no my brother he has a tainted soul we were born at the exact same time we should never have trusted the Serpent Supreme because he was about to take us on a journey of bitter betrayal. I love my two brothers named Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss.