Dear 10 Year Old Briana (and 10 Year Old Girls Everywhere):
By now, you’ve probably started to figure out that you’re not like everyone else. And, you’re probably wondering if that’s okay. I’m here to tell you that it is. It’s more than okay to be different. In fact, it’s perfect. And, the only thing standing between you and a really amazing life is you being able to love and honor all the things that make you uniquely you. We’ll get to that in a minute.
Here’s the thing… the world is full of 10 Year Old Girls. No one really understands them. They’re not little girls anymore. Even though their grandmas still like to buy them dolls and frilly things for Christmas, they’re not really completely into that. Although, if a little sister or younger cousin is around, a 10 year old girl can throw down a Barbie party like no one’s business. You know what I mean. But, yeah, you’ve been there. Done that. It’s not really your thing anymore.
You’re also probably not really into rainbows or sparkly ponies anymore. And, sometimes that’s the only kind of clothing you can find in your size. It’s frustrating, right? But, you know, every now and then you think a glittery sweater is pretty. And, that’s okay. Rock it if you want to. It’s the last time those things will be made in your size. There’s a reason. Bedazzled sweaters in my current adult size could interrupt traffic patterns. Not a blessing.
You’re not really a teenager yet, but sometimes you feel like one. People call you a “tween.” Whatever that is. You’re getting ready for middle school. You hang out with teenagers as much as you hang out with little girls. You’re hormonal (it’s okay). You think boys are cute just about as often as you think they’re disgusting. Your mom is talking about buying you a training bra. It’s horrifying (it’s a rite of passage; just shop two towns away). You’re all over the place. You’re smart enough to understand things you probably shouldn’t and young enough to wish you hadn’t learned about the birds and bees (I’m sorry… I know that whole thing is pretty shocking).
According to what you see on TV and in the movies, you’re either supposed to get really slutty and go hook up with everyone at summer camp. Or, you’re supposed to go hang out with horses all day and communicate with them in some mystical Snow White kind of language that you’re pretty sure isn’t real (you tried to speak to your cat with your mind once and it didn’t work). Oh yeah, and then there's the constant attempt to categorize you. Are you a nerd or a girly girl or an arty girl or a sporty girl or what? I mean, blah. Just blah. Why do you have to be one thing? What if you want to be everything?
With all this in-betweenness and mixed messaging, it’s hard to know where you fit in. Maybe you don’t really fit anywhere at all.
Like I said before, it’s okay to be different. To feel different. In fact, it’s perfect.
I want you to get really comfortable with being different. THAT, my little me, is the key to happiness. Because, from here on out, the world is going to try really hard to tell you who you should be and how you should look and the way you should act. The world is going to tell you to have long hair and even longer eyelashes (there will be eyelash salons in a few decades and you won’t even be able to believe it), to be smart but never outpace men or those in authority, to try to have it all even though it’s humanly impossible to do so, to be painfully thin no matter what the cost, to compromise yourself for the sake of those around you, to blend in, to spend too much money on clothes and shoes and makeup, to forsake your natural beauty because it isn’t beautiful enough, to find your happiness in relationships and possessions, to pursue the princess fairytale that no one has EVER obtained… ever, to always compare yourself to others, to never feel good enough, and to put yourself last.
Girl, right here and now, I need you to pledge not to go there. Because none of it is worth it. It’s not. None of that will bring you happiness. It might bring you temporary satisfaction. But, not real, true and genuine happiness. I’m telling you.
What WILL bring you true happiness is deciding right here and now to be happy with who you are and what you want. Love your freckles. Love your mouth full of metal because your smile rocks. Love being smarter than the boys in the class. Love your hard-won scars. Love your frizzy hair and ditch the AquaNet (it's hair spray and one day there will be 937 different kinds of the stuff). Love your dream of traveling the world and writing and NEVER getting married (you’ll change your mind- probably- but do it for the right reasons, not because people think you should). Love your goofy sense of humor. Love your books. Love your alone time. Love your Donny & Marie (even when it isn’t cool). Love math and science. Love cheesecake. Love your jeans and flip flops. Love your individuality. Most of all, love yourself. Just love yourself. And, surround yourself with people who love you for you. Because, those are the only people worth having in your life.
Every girl feels confused like you do right now. That’s probably the one and only thing that makes you the same as one another. In every other way, though, you’re different. And unique. And special. And wonderful.
Now, put down that stupid Black Beauty book. Tell your mom and friends that you do NOT want to see Little Darlings or Foxes at the movie theater (trust me, just don’t). And, go ride your bike until the daylight burns away. You’re going to be amazing. Because, I know how you turn out. I just want to see you a little happier and loving yourself a little more along the way.
Love,
Grown Up Briana (aka Legend of Awesomeness :-))