Sniff Kiss
Romantic, respectful or simply cute,
the hom kaem lifts the heart
Eskimos rub noses. Westerns join lips. Starlets air - kiss everyone. The French involve first both cheeks, and then the tongue. So how do Thais express amour? They sniff. A light, quick inhalation, somewhere around the cheek, is the acme of endearment. The hom kaem (sniff kiss) confirms both unconditional love to one’s child and understated passion between lovers. Parents bestow a reassuringly benevolent hom kaem upon their offspring’ cheek or forehead, a private communion whoever might be watching. It also continues into adulthood, as when an adult touchingly receives a hom kaem from his mother on, say, collecting her from hospital.
Aside from the exalted, innocent hom kaem, what motivates lives to sniff kiss is another matter. The kissee’s spine tingles, hairs raise, knees weaken. Acquiescence may well result. It’s the Thai way to reach first base. For the inhaler, any sharp in – breath wobbles the senses, but when infused with ardour, it giddies.
Sniffing comes as naturally to Thais as breathing, though it may puzzle partners from other cultures. “Is this a comment on my hygiene,” they wonder. Partly, yes. In the Thais code, cleaniness is next to cuddliness, a prerequisite for bodily contact, for social acceptability. What possible started from a parental check on bathtime diligence evolved into a general sigh they care. No wonder hygiene ranks high when seeking to mate.
Internationally, many relish pungent pheromones – some to the point of fetish. Yet before bed, the Thai demonstratively shower. And expect a partner likewise to bathe. Thais prefer to avoid anyone who’s remotely men (malodorous), but they may luxuriate in their beloved’s pure and gentle aroma. As an adjective, hom means ‘nice smelling’ (as in khao hom mali, fragrant jasmine rice). Smelling nice is a Thai cultural obsession, and one that pays dividends.
Science is proving that love, like memory, is a slave of scent, our strongest sense. And in the pursuit of sweet pheromones, Thais leave all in their trail. In a mid – 1990s US – run survey, around 10,000 respondents from multiple countries each ranked the scent of diverse nationalities on a scale of men to hom. With no whiff of favouritism, the Thais won by more than a nose. Officially the world’s best smelling people, Thais can put their hom – ness down not just to their thrice – dairy soap and powder regimen, but apparently to a diet light in dairy, meat and the ranker spices, but rich in pore – purging coriander, chilli and lemongrass.
A nod to animal instinct, the hom kaem also implies human sophistication. It turns that base urge into a quality control technique – and a tantalizing erotic game. Clarity and refinement in breathing is a sacred principle of ancient Asia. It heightens awareness, concentration and performance in disciplines like meditation, martial arts and – as Tantra and Taoism assure – sexual prowess. Energy that courses through the body’s chakras and meridian lines has the character of a ‘wind’, a concept found in breathing exercise like Indian pranayama, Chinese qi and Thai lom phran. If the breath pulses smoothly, then so do the muscles, the nerves, the organs.
By the same token, the Asian body is sacred. Even in the tightest of confines – market, train, even disco – the Thai dread to violate personal space. Seat of the soul, the head is most taboo to touch – an occupational hazard for loves. And hairdressers. Barbers and masseurs still sometime request permission to handle the head, and between nervous couples on a date, that remains a loaded question to breach.
In public, touching is taboo between the sexes, yet encouraged in bonding with friends of like gender. That's largely changed among urban youth since the mid-1990s; tough hand holding between rural boys and girls remains rare. Kissing in public is almost never seen, even in libertarian Bangkok, Even on racy TV soaps, even between wedding couples. Faced with such decorum, Thai would-be lovebirds may demurely exchange a sniff. In private it could later lead to more, or maybe not. One never knows. Hence the exquisite pleasure of the hom kaem: respectful, tantalizing, indirect, Thai.