“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~Chinese Proverb
Yes, I had reached the age of 25. Still, I doubted this letter from my past would make it to me, all these years later. It was a simple creative writing assignment from when I was 15.
The teacher collected our letters to our future ourselves in self-addressed envelopes with stamps and promised to mail them 10 years later. But, so much time had passed; would he keep his word? Would he even remember?
Thinking back on the letter, I tried to remember writing it. I vaguely recalled giving my future self some advice.
In my recollection, my 15-year-old self wanted to make sure I would continue to write and figure skate, and she probably assumed I’d be married and have a baby by now.
When you’re 15 years old, 25 seems like a grown-up age, but I wasn’t feeling as grown up as I believed my younger self expected me to be.
Then, on a family vacation in San Diego, my parents brought me the mail from home. And in scrawled ink, there was a letter addressed to myself. I knew it was the one! I laughed delightedly and could not believe what was in my hands. I opened it eagerly and was astounded by the results.
The letter began in true, snarky fifteen-year-old fashion: “How much do you bet that this letter will never get to you?”
It continued to greet me casually as if we were having an IM chat.
Here are two key nuggets from the essence of the letter, which I found salient and beautiful:
1. The Desire for Balance
My 15-year-old self was so stressed! As an almost junior in high school, facing the SATS and demanding Honors and AP courses, as well as college applications—and of course, the daily antics involved in peer interactions and being a teen—I was apparently not quite happy.
Thus, much of my letter to myself was fraught with advice and hopes that I wouldn’t stress and worry so much in the future, and that I wouldn’t forget to be present and enjoy my life! It was so wise and sweet.
2. Self- Acceptance
Contrary to my belief, my 15-year-old self did not have any demands of me, or false expectations or goals that I might have failed to meet.
Instead, she wrote “…So I guess I’ll stand by whatever you do, because even if you are not who I imagine now, I’ll support you, because maybe who I’m imagining is someone else, and you are—well you’re not someone else, you’re me.”
I was blown away, and tears welled up in my eyes at this self-acceptance through time. I immediately wrote a heart-felt thank-you letter to my high school teacher and sent it in the mail.
Then, I wrote a thoughtful letter to my 35-year-old self and tucked it away for the next 10 years.
In this new letter, I paid the self-acceptance forward even further. I am a big goal-setter, and like many I know, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the best and biggest version of myself that I can be.
However, I now knew that what I would have accomplished and what I would have done in 10 years time would pale in comparison to how I’d feel and who I’d be.
For me, the biggest lesson in receiving the letter was the idea of “allowing”—allowing myself to be whoever I am, allowing myself to relinquish my plans for who I “should become,” allowing myself to simply “show up,” and for that to be enough, more than enough.
In what ways can you create a time capsule for yourself?
I recommend experimenting with envisioning your future life, accepting and forgiving your past selves and forms, and writing to yourself at a specific age in the future (5 or 10 years, for example.) There’s a site that helps with this called FutureMe.org.