00:00:57:MEGAN [ON RECORDING]:|Wallace, whatever you saw,
00:00:59:there's an explanation.
00:01:01:I'm not saying that it's a good explanation,
00:01:03:it's obviously a bad explanation,
00:01:06:but we can't just leave things like this.
00:01:08:You have to call me back, okay?
00:01:10:Wallace, whatever happened, I still love you.
00:01:12:[PHONE BEEPS]
00:01:13:AUTOMATED VOICE: This message|has been saved for 379 days.
00:01:16:[PHONE BEEPS]
00:01:17:Message deleted.
00:01:24:[POP MUSIC|PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
00:01:31:[CHATTERING]
00:01:47:Yeah, that was supposed to be|an anonymous fridge magnet poem.
00:01:49:And here I am quietly judging you.
00:01:51:Oh, I can handle it.|I've humiliated myself
00:01:53:much more thoroughly in front of people I actually know.
00:01:56:- Cheers.|- Cheers.
00:02:03:[NEEDLE SCRATCHES]
00:02:04:[POP MUSIC|PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
00:02:18:I'm sorry, I moved your poem.
00:02:19:I find this, like, weirdly addictive.
00:02:22:- WALLACE: Yeah, like face tattoos.|- CHANTRY: Like peeing in the ocean.
00:02:24:- ALLAN: Oh.|- CHANTRY: Aah!
00:02:26:- Here it is. Here it is.|- Hi.
00:02:28:- Oh, did you guys meet?|- Uh, kind of, yeah.
00:02:30:ALLAN: Wallace, this is my cousin|Chantry. She's an animator.
00:02:33:- Chantry, this is Wallace.|- You're Wallace?
00:02:36:This is the first time he's been outside in, like, a year.
00:02:38:- Wow.|- WALLACE: Yeah.
00:02:40:Yeah, you do look pale.
00:02:41:I just assumed you were, like, anemic or partially albino.
00:02:44:- It's both, actually.|- ALLAN: He's been hibernating
00:02:46:- like bear because of his broken heart.|- CHANTRY: Aw.
00:02:49:Stop telling people and stroking my face.
00:02:51:[ALLAN CHUCKLES]
00:02:52:- CHANTRY: Anyway, um--|- NICOLE: Do you guys know Becky?
00:02:54:Uh, she's small, has brown hair, always|bragging about her eating disorder.
00:02:58:I'm Becky.
00:02:59:- It's been a while.|- WOMAN: Oh, hello.
00:03:01:It's so good to see you again.
00:03:03:That's just what she sounds like!
00:03:04:Can I give you a tour of the house?
00:03:06:[ALLAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
00:03:07:Come.
00:03:09:[BOTH SPEAK IN SPANISH]
00:03:10:CHANTRY:|To be fair, um,
00:03:11:I don't always like parties, either.
00:03:14:Awkward small talk is not my forte.
00:03:17:It's "fort," actually.
00:03:18:"Forte" is Italian, it means "forcefully."|And "fort" is French for "strength."
00:03:22:But I still say "forte" too.|If you say "fort,"
00:03:24:everyone thinks you're getting it wrong,|even though it is correct.
00:03:27:So is that, like, your thing?|Correcting people's pronunciation?
00:03:30:- Yeah, that's my thing.|- How's that going for you?
00:03:32:I have a dead-end job, live in my sister's attic,
00:03:34:and I never go out.
00:03:35:Uh, correcting pronunciation is my old thing.
00:03:37:Actually, my new thing is over-sharing.
00:03:40:- Heh.|- Here, try some of Allan's beer.
00:03:42:Thank you.
00:03:43:You actually knocked yourself out?
00:03:44:- I think so.|- Wow.
00:03:46:And I'll tell you something really weird.
00:03:48:My face is, like, permanently damaged.
00:03:50:Like, if you look up here,|you can see there's, like--
00:03:53:- I think there's, like, a dent.|- Sort of like, uh, Quasimodo.
00:03:57:Yeah.
00:04:02:So, um, I've got to go to the bathroom.
00:04:05:Do you need anything, like some dental floss,
00:04:07:or, you know, um, expired aspirin?
00:04:10:No, but I've left a matchbox in there,
00:04:11:and I was hoping women could leave pubic hair...
00:04:13:[LAUGHS]
00:04:14:Uh, I'll just go around with, like, a party tray.
00:04:17:No, they'll be in there.|It'll be fine.
00:04:18:- I'm stuffing a pillow.|- Okay.
00:04:30:[MOANING]
00:04:35:- WALLACE: Oh. Hey.|- Oh. Hi.
00:04:38:I was just, um, leaving|without saying goodbye, like a dick.
00:04:42:Yeah. Yeah, that's totally|what I am doing as well.
00:04:47:- Heh.|- Oh.
00:04:53:- Where are you...?|- Oh, um,
00:04:54:I'm just, like, a couple blocks west.
00:04:57:- Me too.|- Oh.
00:04:58:- Uh, would you like to walk together?|- Um, yeah. Sure.
00:05:01:Cool.
00:05:05:I read in the tabloids that she's a cannibal
00:05:07:- and he faked Parkinson's for attention.|- I read that too. Crazy.
00:05:10:Awful people. Really.
00:05:12:Um, this is actually me here.
00:05:14:Oh. Right. Um, well, hey,|I had a really good time talking to you.
00:05:17:Yeah. Me too.|Which is rare, actually.
00:05:19:I'm usually not that social, so...
00:05:22:Well, um,
00:05:24:maybe you'd like to talk again sometime.
00:05:26:Yeah, definitely.|We should hang out.
00:05:28:Yeah. It'd be lovely.
00:05:30:Okay, so, I'm gonna give you my number.
00:05:33:- Okay. I will...|- Top secret.
00:05:35:Good.
00:05:36:I did not mean to stay out so late.
00:05:38:No, me neither.
00:05:40:My boyfriend will be worried about,|um, what happened to me,
00:05:43:so, you know, call me.
00:05:46:Yes. Thank you very much. Um...
00:05:49:- Nice to meet you.|- Nice meeting you.
00:05:51:- Cool.|- Good night.
00:05:52:Good night.
00:05:54:[SIGHS]
00:06:05:[SIGHS]
00:06:29:WALLACE:|I had a good time talking to you.
00:06:31:CHANTRY:|Yeah. Me too.
00:06:34:My boyfriend will be wondering what happened to me.
00:06:48:[CHIRPING]
00:07:12:Hey, what's up, Felix?
00:07:14:[THUD THEN ELLIE GRUNTS]
00:07:15:- You all right?|- Just dropped an earring.
00:07:17:Your dinner's in the oven.
00:07:19:- Good night.|- What time will you be home?
00:07:21:If the date is good, midnight.
00:07:23:If the date is bad, 8.
00:07:25:Uh, no treats, okay?|And no horror movies.
00:07:28:And don't let him go up on the roof.
00:07:30:And don't sell his organs on the black market.
00:07:32:Okay. I'm off.
00:07:34:WALLACE:|Take care. Have fun. Good luck.
00:07:39:[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY|ON TV]
00:07:44:MAN 1 [ON TV]: Unh.|- Clear!
00:07:46:All right, mate, close your eyes.
00:07:48:MAN 2 [ON TV]:|Clear.
00:07:50:Aah!
00:07:54:Okay, you can open them again.
00:07:57:[GROWLING]
00:08:00:[DOOR OPENS]
00:08:04:[CARTOON MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
00:08:06:[GROANS]
00:08:11:[SIGHS]
00:08:13:[INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV]
00:08:20:[MAN SCREAMING ON TV]
00:08:26:[ELLIE SIGHS]
00:08:41:CHANTRY:|Thank you.
00:08:47:NARRATOR: Nothing gave Buttercup|as much pleasure
00:08:49:as ordering Westley around.
00:08:51:BUTTERCUP:|Farm boy?
00:08:53:Polish my horse's saddle.
00:08:55:I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
00:08:58:WESTLEY".|As you wish.
00:09:02:NARRATOR: "As you wish"|was all he ever said to her.
00:09:10:Thank you.
00:09:22:[HORN HONKS]
00:09:24:- MAN: Hey. Need a ride?|- CHANTRY: Oh, hey.
00:09:26:Hey. Um, no, I think we're okay.|Thanks. Yeah.
00:09:31:Sorry, I didn't see you there.
00:09:32:No, I also didn't see you standing right next to me.
00:09:36:Hi, Wallace.
00:09:37:- Chantry.|- Yes.
00:09:39:- I'm here alone.|- Me too.
00:09:41:My boyfriend was supposed to come,|but he had to work late, so...
00:09:46:I like seeing movies by myself, though.
00:09:47:I think it's, um, really cool you're here alone.
00:09:50:Oh, yeah. Super cool.
00:09:52:Yeah.
00:09:53:- CHANTRY: Seriously?|- WALLACE: Yeah, seriously.
00:09:56:I don't think you can have Princess|Bride as one of your favorite movies
00:10:00:if you actually think love makes you a worse person.
00:10:03:Well, no, it's irrelevant.
00:10:04:The Princess Bride is a fairy tale.
00:10:06:In fairy tales, love inspires you|to be noble and courageous,
00:10:10:but in real life, love is just an|all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
00:10:14:You can lie and cheat and hurt people,|and it's all okay because you're in love.
00:10:23:I don't know if you are actually cynical,
00:10:25:or just a super crazy, romantic cheese ball.
00:10:30:You go see Princess Bride by yourself,|on a week night, like a total loser.
00:10:34:Yeah, well, your boyfriend ditched you,|and you still came all by yourself,
00:10:38:- so who's the real loser?|- Are you hungry?
00:10:41:CHANTRY: I can't believe|you ordered fried pickles.
00:10:43:Pickles are disgusting.|Pickling is like embalming, basically.
00:10:47:Like, a pickle jar is like a tomb for cucumbers.
00:10:49:I violated a tremendous amount|of corpses in medical school,
00:10:53:so I know that pickling is not the same as embalming.
00:10:55:- You're a doctor?|- Uh, heh, no.
00:10:57:- Med school dropout.|- All right.
00:10:59:[CRUNCHING]
00:11:03:The whole premise of deep-frying|is it makes everything taste better.
00:11:07:- I don't like deep-fried food.|- French fries?
00:11:09:- Eugh.|- Onion rings?
00:11:11:- Fried chicken?|- Nope.
00:11:12:- Fish and chips?|- Gross.
00:11:14:Funnel cakes? Doughnuts?|Deep-fried banana sandwiches?
00:11:16:No, but Elvis ate those.
00:11:18:And something called Fool's Gold.
00:11:19:- What is that?|- I don't know exactly,
00:11:21:but I read on the Internet that Elvis died
00:11:23:with 40 pounds of undigested feces still in his intestine.
00:11:27:Thank you for telling me that in the middle of dinner.
00:11:29:- You're welcome.|- Next time I take a bite,
00:11:31:- you can say "diarrhea."|- Diarrhea.
00:11:34:Is this something you learn in med school?
00:11:35:Yeah. They go through the...
00:11:38:- All the famous people.|- All the famous people
00:11:40:and how much feces were left in|them at the time of their death.
00:11:43:- Marie Antoinette?|- Tons.
00:11:45:In fact, they had to guillotine|her intestine as well as her head.
00:11:48:Yeah. They just, like, moved the body|further along through the machine.
00:11:52:Who do you think weighs the feces?
00:11:53:I think, as the king,
00:11:55:it would've been, like, a job that people fought for.
00:11:57:- Mm-hm.|- "Well, if I can't dress him,
00:12:00:if I can't make him look pretty for the|casket, can I at least touch his poo?"
00:12:03:- You think he kept a bit?|- I'm sure he did.
00:12:05:In a matchbox or something, yeah.
00:12:07:Like, one of those little vials|you could wear around your neck.
00:12:10:Like, yeah, he had, like, a little shit locket.
00:00:57:MEGAN [ON RECORDING]:|Wallace, whatever you saw,
00:00:59:there's an explanation.
00:01:01:I'm not saying that it's a good explanation,
00:01:03:it's obviously a bad explanation,
00:01:06:but we can't just leave things like this.
00:01:08:You have to call me back, okay?
00:01:10:Wallace, whatever happened, I still love you.
00:01:12:[PHONE BEEPS]
00:01:13:AUTOMATED VOICE: This message|has been saved for 379 days.
00:01:16:[PHONE BEEPS]
00:01:17:Message deleted.
00:01:24:[POP MUSIC|PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
00:01:31:[CHATTERING]
00:01:47:Yeah, that was supposed to be|an anonymous fridge magnet poem.
00:01:49:And here I am quietly judging you.
00:01:51:Oh, I can handle it.|I've humiliated myself
00:01:53:much more thoroughly in front of people I actually know.
00:01:56:- Cheers.|- Cheers.
00:02:03:[NEEDLE SCRATCHES]
00:02:04:[POP MUSIC|PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
00:02:18:I'm sorry, I moved your poem.
00:02:19:I find this, like, weirdly addictive.
00:02:22:- WALLACE: Yeah, like face tattoos.|- CHANTRY: Like peeing in the ocean.
00:02:24:- ALLAN: Oh.|- CHANTRY: Aah!
00:02:26:- Here it is. Here it is.|- Hi.
00:02:28:- Oh, did you guys meet?|- Uh, kind of, yeah.
00:02:30:ALLAN: Wallace, this is my cousin|Chantry. She's an animator.
00:02:33:- Chantry, this is Wallace.|- You're Wallace?
00:02:36:This is the first time he's been outside in, like, a year.
00:02:38:- Wow.|- WALLACE: Yeah.
00:02:40:Yeah, you do look pale.
00:02:41:I just assumed you were, like, anemic or partially albino.
00:02:44:- It's both, actually.|- ALLAN: He's been hibernating
00:02:46:- like bear because of his broken heart.|- CHANTRY: Aw.
00:02:49:Stop telling people and stroking my face.
00:02:51:[ALLAN CHUCKLES]
00:02:52:- CHANTRY: Anyway, um--|- NICOLE: Do you guys know Becky?
00:02:54:Uh, she's small, has brown hair, always|bragging about her eating disorder.
00:02:58:I'm Becky.
00:02:59:- It's been a while.|- WOMAN: Oh, hello.
00:03:01:It's so good to see you again.
00:03:03:That's just what she sounds like!
00:03:04:Can I give you a tour of the house?
00:03:06:[ALLAN SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
00:03:07:Come.
00:03:09:[BOTH SPEAK IN SPANISH]
00:03:10:CHANTRY:|To be fair, um,
00:03:11:I don't always like parties, either.
00:03:14:Awkward small talk is not my forte.
00:03:17:It's "fort," actually.
00:03:18:"Forte" is Italian, it means "forcefully."|And "fort" is French for "strength."
00:03:22:But I still say "forte" too.|If you say "fort,"
00:03:24:everyone thinks you're getting it wrong,|even though it is correct.
00:03:27:So is that, like, your thing?|Correcting people's pronunciation?
00:03:30:- Yeah, that's my thing.|- How's that going for you?
00:03:32:I have a dead-end job, live in my sister's attic,
00:03:34:and I never go out.
00:03:35:Uh, correcting pronunciation is my old thing.
00:03:37:Actually, my new thing is over-sharing.
00:03:40:- Heh.|- Here, try some of Allan's beer.
00:03:42:Thank you.
00:03:43:You actually knocked yourself out?
00:03:44:- I think so.|- Wow.
00:03:46:And I'll tell you something really weird.
00:03:48:My face is, like, permanently damaged.
00:03:50:Like, if you look up here,|you can see there's, like--
00:03:53:- I think there's, like, a dent.|- Sort of like, uh, Quasimodo.
00:03:57:Yeah.
00:04:02:So, um, I've got to go to the bathroom.
00:04:05:Do you need anything, like some dental floss,
00:04:07:or, you know, um, expired aspirin?
00:04:10:No, but I've left a matchbox in there,
00:04:11:and I was hoping women could leave pubic hair...
00:04:13:[LAUGHS]
00:04:14:Uh, I'll just go around with, like, a party tray.
00:04:17:No, they'll be in there.|It'll be fine.
00:04:18:- I'm stuffing a pillow.|- Okay.
00:04:30:[MOANING]
00:04:35:- WALLACE: Oh. Hey.|- Oh. Hi.
00:04:38:I was just, um, leaving|without saying goodbye, like a dick.
00:04:42:Yeah. Yeah, that's totally|what I am doing as well.
00:04:47:- Heh.|- Oh.
00:04:53:- Where are you...?|- Oh, um,
00:04:54:I'm just, like, a couple blocks west.
00:04:57:- Me too.|- Oh.
00:04:58:- Uh, would you like to walk together?|- Um, yeah. Sure.
00:05:01:Cool.
00:05:05:I read in the tabloids that she's a cannibal
00:05:07:- and he faked Parkinson's for attention.|- I read that too. Crazy.
00:05:10:Awful people. Really.
00:05:12:Um, this is actually me here.
00:05:14:Oh. Right. Um, well, hey,|I had a really good time talking to you.
00:05:17:Yeah. Me too.|Which is rare, actually.
00:05:19:I'm usually not that social, so...
00:05:22:Well, um,
00:05:24:maybe you'd like to talk again sometime.
00:05:26:Yeah, definitely.|We should hang out.
00:05:28:Yeah. It'd be lovely.
00:05:30:Okay, so, I'm gonna give you my number.
00:05:33:- Okay. I will...|- Top secret.
00:05:35:Good.
00:05:36:I did not mean to stay out so late.
00:05:38:No, me neither.
00:05:40:My boyfriend will be worried about,|um, what happened to me,
00:05:43:so, you know, call me.
00:05:46:Yes. Thank you very much. Um...
00:05:49:- Nice to meet you.|- Nice meeting you.
00:05:51:- Cool.|- Good night.
00:05:52:Good night.
00:05:54:[SIGHS]
00:06:05:[SIGHS]
00:06:29:WALLACE:|I had a good time talking to you.
00:06:31:CHANTRY:|Yeah. Me too.
00:06:34:My boyfriend will be wondering what happened to me.
00:06:48:[CHIRPING]
00:07:12:Hey, what's up, Felix?
00:07:14:[THUD THEN ELLIE GRUNTS]
00:07:15:- You all right?|- Just dropped an earring.
00:07:17:Your dinner's in the oven.
00:07:19:- Good night.|- What time will you be home?
00:07:21:If the date is good, midnight.
00:07:23:If the date is bad, 8.
00:07:25:Uh, no treats, okay?|And no horror movies.
00:07:28:And don't let him go up on the roof.
00:07:30:And don't sell his organs on the black market.
00:07:32:Okay. I'm off.
00:07:34:WALLACE:|Take care. Have fun. Good luck.
00:07:39:[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY|ON TV]
00:07:44:MAN 1 [ON TV]: Unh.|- Clear!
00:07:46:All right, mate, close your eyes.
00:07:48:MAN 2 [ON TV]:|Clear.
00:07:50:Aah!
00:07:54:Okay, you can open them again.
00:07:57:[GROWLING]
00:08:00:[DOOR OPENS]
00:08:04:[CARTOON MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
00:08:06:[GROANS]
00:08:11:[SIGHS]
00:08:13:[INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV]
00:08:20:[MAN SCREAMING ON TV]
00:08:26:[ELLIE SIGHS]
00:08:41:CHANTRY:|Thank you.
00:08:47:NARRATOR: Nothing gave Buttercup|as much pleasure
00:08:49:as ordering Westley around.
00:08:51:BUTTERCUP:|Farm boy?
00:08:53:Polish my horse's saddle.
00:08:55:I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
00:08:58:WESTLEY".|As you wish.
00:09:02:NARRATOR: "As you wish"|was all he ever said to her.
00:09:10:Thank you.
00:09:22:[HORN HONKS]
00:09:24:- MAN: Hey. Need a ride?|- CHANTRY: Oh, hey.
00:09:26:Hey. Um, no, I think we're okay.|Thanks. Yeah.
00:09:31:Sorry, I didn't see you there.
00:09:32:No, I also didn't see you standing right next to me.
00:09:36:Hi, Wallace.
00:09:37:- Chantry.|- Yes.
00:09:39:- I'm here alone.|- Me too.
00:09:41:My boyfriend was supposed to come,|but he had to work late, so...
00:09:46:I like seeing movies by myself, though.
00:09:47:I think it's, um, really cool you're here alone.
00:09:50:Oh, yeah. Super cool.
00:09:52:Yeah.
00:09:53:- CHANTRY: Seriously?|- WALLACE: Yeah, seriously.
00:09:56:I don't think you can have Princess|Bride as one of your favorite movies
00:10:00:if you actually think love makes you a worse person.
00:10:03:Well, no, it's irrelevant.
00:10:04:The Princess Bride is a fairy tale.
00:10:06:In fairy tales, love inspires you|to be noble and courageous,
00:10:10:but in real life, love is just an|all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
00:10:14:You can lie and cheat and hurt people,|and it's all okay because you're in love.
00:10:23:I don't know if you are actually cynical,
00:10:25:or just a super crazy, romantic cheese ball.
00:10:30:You go see Princess Bride by yourself,|on a week night, like a total loser.
00:10:34:Yeah, well, your boyfriend ditched you,|and you still came all by yourself,
00:10:38:- so who's the real loser?|- Are you hungry?
00:10:41:CHANTRY: I can't believe|you ordered fried pickles.
00:10:43:Pickles are disgusting.|Pickling is like embalming, basically.
00:10:47:Like, a pickle jar is like a tomb for cucumbers.
00:10:49:I violated a tremendous amount|of corpses in medical school,
00:10:53:so I know that pickling is not the same as embalming.
00:10:55:- You're a doctor?|- Uh, heh, no.
00:10:57:- Med school dropout.|- All right.
00:10:59:[CRUNCHING]
00:11:03:The whole premise of deep-frying|is it makes everything taste better.
00:11:07:- I don't like deep-fried food.|- French fries?
00:11:09:- Eugh.|- Onion rings?
00:11:11:- Fried chicken?|- Nope.
00:11:12:- Fish and chips?|- Gross.
00:11:14:Funnel cakes? Doughnuts?|Deep-fried banana sandwiches?
00:11:16:No, but Elvis ate those.
00:11:18:And something called Fool's Gold.
00:11:19:- What is that?|- I don't know exactly,
00:11:21:but I read on the Internet that Elvis died
00:11:23:with 40 pounds of undigested feces still in his intestine.
00:11:27:Thank you for telling me that in the middle of dinner.
00:11:29:- You're welcome.|- Next time I take a bite,
00:11:31:- you can say "diarrhea."|- Diarrhea.
00:11:34:Is this something you learn in med school?
00:11:35:Yeah. They go through the...
00:11:38:- All the famous people.|- All the famous people
00:11:40:and how much feces were left in|them at the time of their death.
00:11:43:- Marie Antoinette?|- Tons.
00:11:45:In fact, they had to guillotine|her intestine as well as her head.
00:11:48:Yeah. They just, like, moved the body|further along through the machine.
00:11:52:Who do you think weighs the feces?
00:11:53:I think, as the king,
00:11:55:it would've been, like, a job that people fought for.
00:11:57:- Mm-hm.|- "Well, if I can't dress him,
00:12:00:if I can't make him look pretty for the|casket, can I at least touch his poo?"
00:12:03:- You think he kept a bit?|- I'm sure he did.
00:12:05:In a matchbox or something, yeah.
00:12:07:Like, one of those little vials|you could wear around your neck.
00:12:10:Like, yeah, he had, like, a little shit locket.
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