Chapter 1
Author(s)autotunedd
Status [M]
Tags abuse angst bigbang gdragon gtop top
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His knee cracks on his way up the stairs and he wobbles for a moment, regaining his balance before continuing on, Seunghyun in tow.
'I'm getting old,' he says, switching from two steps at a time to one. 'What's the use in living if 26 is middle aged?'
Seunghyun scoffs from a few steps behind and Jiyong takes a moment of silence to mourn the ghost of fitness past. His short heavy breaths almost rattle on their way out. He feels like an anti-smoking commercial, warding kids off cigarettes with the sound of emphysema.
The lift is broken, again. It works five days out of ten. On a good day he can wake up late and gamble on the odds of getting to work on time.
EARLIER
When he left the apartment that morning the green arrow lit up beneath his finger and he thanked God for his generosity. He was meeting Seunghyun for lunch. He tried not to show up tired and sweating if he could ever help it. Living on the seventeenth floor, it took fifteen minutes of begrudged scuffling down the emergency exit to reach the street.
Seunghyun eyed him warily when he flopped down beside him in their usual spot in Myeongdong.
'You need some water?'
Jiyong snuck a sly peek at his watch while adjusting his jacket sleeve.
'I got stuck in traffic and my detour became a scenic drive through a dozen residential streets. I'm sorry i'm so late'.
The bulk of his lateness was courtesy of a purposeful detour, stopping by Cheongdam-dong to pick up a gift for Seunghyun. It wasn't a birthday or an anniversary gift (he didn't know when their anniversary actually was and if he didn't know, there was no way Seunghyun did either). It was just an, 'I love you,' sort of thing. Seunghyun's spontaneous presents could be ostentatious and overly thoughtful. Jiyong suddenly felt the urge to prove himself in the gift-giving department.
Weeks earlier, he sat on Seunghyun's bed with his laptop and spent the better part of an hour constructing elaborate money-spending schemes for their upcoming break. It wasn't often they had weeks off at the same time. Money had to be spent and celebrations had. He ran through a list of ideas involving Lamborghini's, private jets and rented beaches in Antigua. When he found himself on a list of 'extravagant celebrity perfumes,' he noticed Seunghyun eyeing #7. Clive Christian No. 1. The worlds most expensive cologne. At 2,700,000₩ a bottle, he thought Seunghyun might get a kick out of it.
He ordered it weeks ago and finally had it.
So-- detour, lateness, cologne. Jiyong shrugged at Seunghyun's playful gibes about getting lost on the way to lunch and tried to brush off the guilt at seeing his tired face.
'Should we eat?'
PRESENT
It's the solitary thought of making up for his earlier lateness that stops Jiyong now from giving in completely to the stream of complaints he usually spews forth when he's alone on the stairs.
He ate too much at lunch and starts paying for it somewhere between the fourth and fifth floor with a stitch in his side. He breathes heavily, his bag moving from one shoulder to the other, trying to find some balance. Seunghyun follows up the stairs in silence. He hasn't spoken since they left the restaurant.
Jiyong cursed and danced up a tantrum in the lobby when the elevator didn't work but Seunghyun remained incommunicado. He didn't say a word as they pushed open the emergency staircase door and hasn't said one since. He's become a shadow, slowing on the stairs when Jiyong slows, speeding up when he fools himself into thinking he has a second wind.
'Maybe after this meeting next week we can go on a trip somewhere,' Jiyong suggests between veiled puffs. 'I'm tired, we can both use a rest'.
The bi-annual meeting for company artists is six days away. After that they can do as they please with their relative freedom. Seunghyun had a vague plan all month about visiting family but said over lunch he changed his mind. In that instant Jiyong began dreaming up a dozen places they could go together. He thought about Europe and continental breakfasts, Thailand and beautiful rooms on the water.
He looks behind him and Seunghyun stops short, surprised by the sudden movement. He hasn't been listening.
'Hm?'
Jiyong turns and counts the steps to the next landing. 'I said maybe we can go on a trip after this meeting next week. I know you're dying to shirk your clothes and get a tan by a pool somewhere'.
Seunghyun scoffs but Jiyong gets the feeling he isn't listening either way. It's one of those days. He fills the air with hollow chatter that echoes off the walls. The long trek up the emergency stairs takes too damn long to pass it in silence.
'We could go to the snow?'
He's had a quiet hankering to go snowboarding. Maybe Seunghyun will come along this time. After their brief sojourn to New Zealand, he stopped refusing outright each time Youngbae invited him on a ski trip. There's hope for him yet. Jiyong dreams up the myriad ways he can annoy Seunghyun in the snow. Snowballs to the face, unsuccessful skiing lessons, shovelling ice into his jacket.
Seunghyun doesn't answer so Jiyong continues to fantasize. Before Youngbae enlisted, he said Pocheon was good, the Bears Town Resort. With all his gear only a handful of people recognised him. Jiyong dreams up a dozen ways he can trick Seunghyun into getting in the car. An hour later and, 'What? Ski slopes? Well. We're here now, let's stay a while'.
Seunghyun doesn't make a sound and thirty stairs later, Jiyong grows quietly frustrated by his inattention.
'You know what sounds good? A Safari,' he says. 'A sympathetic elephant might sit on you. I'll be free to date someone who actually listens to me when I talk'.
Seunghyun doesn't respond. Jiyong hears his shoes scrape on the stairs behind him at a different step to his own. They're the only sign he isn't completely alone. Eventually he speeds up, ignoring the ache in his legs and makes the rest of the trip in silence.
Seunghyun's a lost cause today. It happens. Hell, it was probably my fault, he thinks, for being late to lunch. That'll teach me. Or maybe he's just in a mood, that's all. One of those brooding, sulky, won't-say-a-word-for-hours moods.
When they reach the top floor, sweat beads around Jiyong's hairline. His hands are familiarly damp, having made the trek up the emergency stairs at least a hundred times. He wipes his palms on his clothes and tries not to worry about Seunghyun's silence. Hopefully the cologne will cheer him up. If he is mad because he was late or if it's something else, a spontaneous gift can't hurt.
Usually on the long trek up the stairs Seunghyun irritates him with the same unfunny game he played the first time. 'I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S' – 'Is it stairs?'
Jiyong kind of missed it
If Seunghyun is mad, that's okay. They can move around each other. Jiyong can stay out of his way if that's what he wants. He's tired anyway. He just wants to sleep. He thinks about crawling into bed and sleeping for days. He hopes whatever is keeping Seunghyun quiet can be put aside. He'd rather they slept together, if that's still on the table. He sleeps better with Seunghyun than he does on his own. He's never asked but he's pretty sure that works both ways.
He fumbles with the keys and tries to think of the right way to spring his surprise. He planned on waiting until after the meeting, that way he could make a grand gesture, hand over the pompous cologne and say 'Let's take a spontaneous trip! First thing in the morning, let's get in the car and go somewhere!'
He doesn't think he can wait that long now. Uncomfortable and sweaty, there's merit in handing Seunghyun the bag and saying 'I love you,' with an outstretched hand. Maybe he'll snap out of his mood and give him a kiss. That's all he wants at this point. He's too tired to have any designs about . A kiss and a thank-you and a few hours sleep are all he wants.
He bursts through the door and kicks his shoes off with guided steps so they fly down the hallway and not through the television screen (for the second time). The door shuts behind him and he throws his scarf in whatever direction; his backpack falling at his feet. His throat is dry and the rest of him is wet. He needs a drink. He's sweating under his jacket.
'Water or coffee?' he asks Seunghyun, while balancing on one leg trying to get his socks off. The effort draws his attention and he spends a terse minute fighting with his pants. He finds his balance after a near fall and hums quiet congratulations when his socks come loose.
'Hyung--?'
No answer.
Jiyong resigns himself to apologising for whatever he's done because there's obviously something going on if Seunghyun isn't responding even now.
'Look, I'm sorry I was late for lunch,' Jiyong turns, apologising, but stops abruptly.
Seunghyun isn't mad because he was late for lunch.
Jiyong balks at the sight of him. Seunghyun has his hand pressed so tightly over his mouth, the skin around his fingers has gone pale. He's staring at the floor with his shoulders hunched. He's sick. That's what Jiyong thinks at first. The way he's standing there like he's about to throw up, trying to hold it in. He's just sick, he isn't angry. It's almost a relief.
'Oh my god? Are you sick?'
Seunghyun doesn't answer.
He doesn't do anything.
Jiyong doesn't know what he can do except get some water or point him to the toilet but Seunghyun knows where it is.
He feels childish for not knowing what to do.
Seunghyun didn't eat much at lunch, Jiyong remembers. He pushed the food around his plate trying to hide his lack of appetite. He didn't think about it at the time. Seunghyun wasn't hungry, that happens.
'Why didn't you say anything?' Jiyong asks. 'If you were sick, why didn't you call and cancel?'
He moves to take Seunghyun's arm and sit him down somewhere but t
บทที่ 1Author(s) autotuneddสถานะ [M]ป้ายละเมิด angst bigbang gdragon gtop ด้านบน คั่นหนังสือบันทึก (แบบออฟไลน์) เนื้อหารายงานเป็นการเป็นการ เข่าของเขารอยแตกบนทางขึ้นบันไดของเขา และเขา wobbles ครู่ กลับคืนสมดุลของเขาก่อนใน Seunghyun ในใย"ฉันได้รับเก่า เขากล่าวว่า สลับจากสองขั้นตอนที่หนึ่ง 'คืออะไรการใช้ในชีวิตถ้า 26 กลางอายุ'Seunghyun scoffs จากกี่หลัง และ Jiyong ใช้ช่วงเวลาของความเงียบไว้อาลัยผีน่าผ่านมา เขาหายใจหนักสั้นสั่นเกือบบนทางของพวกเขาออก เขารู้สึกเหมือนการป้องกันบุหรี่พาณิชย์ warding เด็กออกบุหรี่กับเสียงของภาวะอวัยวะลิฟท์เป็นหัก อีกครั้ง ทำงานจากสิบห้าวัน วันดี เขาสามารถตื่นสาย และทำการในราคาของการทำงาน ก่อนหน้านี้ เมื่อเขาทิ้งอพาร์ทเมนท์เช้าที่ลูกศรสีเขียวสว่างขึ้นใต้นิ้วมือของเขา และเขาขอบคุณพระเจ้าสำหรับความเอื้ออาทรของเขา เขาได้ประชุม Seunghyun สำหรับมื้อกลางวัน เขาพยายามไม่แสดงค่าเหนื่อย และตากระตุกถ้าเขาเคยช่วยมัน มันอาศัยอยู่บนพื้น seventeenth เอา scuffling begrudged ลงทางออกฉุกเฉินถึงถนน 15 นาทีSeunghyun ตาเขา warily เมื่อเขา flopped ลงข้างเขาในจุดของตนปกติกกกก'คุณต้องน้ำ'Jiyong snuck มองกลับกลอกที่นาฬิกาของเขาในขณะที่การปรับแขนเสื้อของเขา' ฉันได้ติดอยู่ในการจราจร และการเดินของฉันกลายเป็น ขับรถไม่นานผ่านถนนบ้านโหล ขอฉันมาช้าดังนั้น 'มีจำนวนมากของเขา lateness ความอ้อม purposeful หยุด โดยชองดัมดงเพื่อรับของขวัญ Seunghyun มันไม่ได้เป็นวันเกิดหรือของขวัญครบรอบการ (เขาไม่รู้เมื่อครบรอบปีของพวกเขาจริง ๆ และถ้าไม่ ทราบ ไม่มี Seunghyun ได้อย่างใดอย่างหนึ่ง) มันเป็นเพียง 'ฉันรักคุณ เรียงลำดับของสิ่งนั้น แสดงที่อยู่ของ Seunghyun อาจอยู่ และเด่นเกินไป Jiyong รู้สึกกระตุ้นเพื่อพิสูจน์ตัวเองในแผนกการให้ของขวัญทันทีสัปดาห์ก่อนหน้านี้ เขานั่งบนเตียงของ Seunghyun แล็ปท็อปของเขา และใช้เวลาหนึ่งชั่วโมงในการสร้างอย่างประณีตใช้จ่ายเงินแผนงานในการที่เกิดขึ้นดีกว่า มันไม่ได้มักจะมีสัปดาห์ปิดในเวลาเดียวกัน มีเงินให้ใช้ และมีการเฉลิมฉลอง เขาวิ่งผ่านรายการของความคิดที่เกี่ยวข้องกับของมโบ jets ส่วนตัว และหาดเช่าในแอนติกา เมื่อเขาพบตัวเองในรายการของ 'น้ำหอมเซเลบริตี้แบบ' เขาสังเกตเห็น Seunghyun eyeing #7 ไคลฟ์คริสเตียนเลข 1 โคโลญราคาแพงที่สุดของโลก ที่ 2700, 000₩ ขวด เขาคิด Seunghyun อาจไปเตะมันเขาสั่งสัปดาห์ที่ผ่านมา และในที่สุด ก็ดังนั้น - อ้อม lateness โคโลญจน์ Jiyong ยักไหล่ที่ gibes ขี้เล่นของ Seunghyun เกี่ยวกับสูญหายให้อาหารกลางวัน และพยายามแปรงออกผิดที่เห็นใบหน้าของเขาเหนื่อย'ควรเรากิน' ปัจจุบัน คิดปัจเจกทำขึ้น lateness ของเขาก่อนหน้านี้ที่หยุด Jiyong ตอนนี้จากในสมบูรณ์การกระแสข้อมูลร้องเรียนเขามัก spews ออกเมื่อเขาอยู่คนเดียวบนบันได ได้เขากินอาหารมากเกินไปในมื้อกลางวันและเริ่มจ่ายมันอยู่ระหว่างชั้นสี่ และห้าตะเข็บด้านของเขา เขาเซ็ทมาก กระเป๋าของเขาย้ายจากไหล่หนึ่งไปยังอีก พยายามที่จะหาสมดุลบางอย่าง Seunghyun ตามขึ้นบันไดในความเงียบ เขาไม่พูดเนื่องจากพวกเขาซ้ายร้านอาหารJiyong สาป และเต้น tantrum ในล็อบบี้เมื่อลิฟต์ไม่ได้ทำงาน แต่ Seunghyun ยังคง incommunicado เขาไม่ได้พูดคำพวกเขาผลักเปิดประตูฉุกเฉินขึ้น และไม่ว่า หนึ่งตั้งแต่ เขาได้กลายเป็นเงา ชะลอตัวบนบันไดเมื่อ Jiyong ช้า เพิ่มขึ้น เมื่อเขาคนโง่ตัวเองในความคิดเขามีลมสอง'บางทีหลังจากประชุมสัปดาห์หน้านี้ เราสามารถไปเที่ยวที่ใดที่หนึ่ง Jiyong ที่แนะนำให้ระหว่าง veiled puffs "ผมเหนื่อย เราสามารถทั้งใช้พักผ่อน'การประชุมสองปีสำหรับศิลปินบริษัทหกวันเก็บได้ หลังจากนั้น พวกเขาสามารถทำพวกเขาโปรดกับเสรีภาพความสัมพันธ์ Seunghyun วางแผนคลุมทุกเดือนเกี่ยวกับครอบครัวมาเยี่ยม แต่ว่า ช่วงกลางวันเขาเปลี่ยนจิตใจของเขา Jiyong ทันทีเริ่มฝันอัพโหลเป็นสถานที่ พวกเขาสามารถไปด้วยกัน เขาคิดว่า เกี่ยวกับยุโรป และอาหารเช้าคอนติเนนทัล ไทย และห้องน้ำสวยงามเขามองไปด้านหลัง และ Seunghyun หยุดสั้น ประหลาดใจ โดยการเคลื่อนไหวอย่างฉับพลัน เขาไม่ฟังกัน'Hm 'Jiyong เปิด และนับขั้นตอนการขนย้ายสินค้าต่อไป ' ฉันว่า บางทีเราสามารถไปเที่ยวหลังจากการประชุมสัปดาห์ถัดไป ฉันรู้ว่า คุณกำลังอยากหนีเสื้อผ้าของคุณ และรับตาลสระแห่งหนึ่ง 'Seunghyun scoffs but Jiyong gets the feeling he isn't listening either way. It's one of those days. He fills the air with hollow chatter that echoes off the walls. The long trek up the emergency stairs takes too damn long to pass it in silence.'We could go to the snow?'He's had a quiet hankering to go snowboarding. Maybe Seunghyun will come along this time. After their brief sojourn to New Zealand, he stopped refusing outright each time Youngbae invited him on a ski trip. There's hope for him yet. Jiyong dreams up the myriad ways he can annoy Seunghyun in the snow. Snowballs to the face, unsuccessful skiing lessons, shovelling ice into his jacket.Seunghyun doesn't answer so Jiyong continues to fantasize. Before Youngbae enlisted, he said Pocheon was good, the Bears Town Resort. With all his gear only a handful of people recognised him. Jiyong dreams up a dozen ways he can trick Seunghyun into getting in the car. An hour later and, 'What? Ski slopes? Well. We're here now, let's stay a while'.Seunghyun doesn't make a sound and thirty stairs later, Jiyong grows quietly frustrated by his inattention.'You know what sounds good? A Safari,' he says. 'A sympathetic elephant might sit on you. I'll be free to date someone who actually listens to me when I talk'.Seunghyun doesn't respond. Jiyong hears his shoes scrape on the stairs behind him at a different step to his own. They're the only sign he isn't completely alone. Eventually he speeds up, ignoring the ache in his legs and makes the rest of the trip in silence.Seunghyun's a lost cause today. It happens. Hell, it was probably my fault, he thinks, for being late to lunch. That'll teach me. Or maybe he's just in a mood, that's all. One of those brooding, sulky, won't-say-a-word-for-hours moods.When they reach the top floor, sweat beads around Jiyong's hairline. His hands are familiarly damp, having made the trek up the emergency stairs at least a hundred times. He wipes his palms on his clothes and tries not to worry about Seunghyun's silence. Hopefully the cologne will cheer him up. If he is mad because he was late or if it's something else, a spontaneous gift can't hurt.Usually on the long trek up the stairs Seunghyun irritates him with the same unfunny game he played the first time. 'I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S' – 'Is it stairs?'Jiyong kind of missed itIf Seunghyun is mad, that's okay. They can move around each other. Jiyong can stay out of his way if that's what he wants. He's tired anyway. He just wants to sleep. He thinks about crawling into bed and sleeping for days. He hopes whatever is keeping Seunghyun quiet can be put aside. He'd rather they slept together, if that's still on the table. He sleeps better with Seunghyun than he does on his own. He's never asked but he's pretty sure that works both ways.He fumbles with the keys and tries to think of the right way to spring his surprise. He planned on waiting until after the meeting, that way he could make a grand gesture, hand over the pompous cologne and say 'Let's take a spontaneous trip! First thing in the morning, let's get in the car and go somewhere!'He doesn't think he can wait that long now. Uncomfortable and sweaty, there's merit in handing Seunghyun the bag and saying 'I love you,' with an outstretched hand. Maybe he'll snap out of his mood and give him a kiss. That's all he wants at this point. He's too tired to have any designs about . A kiss and a thank-you and a few hours sleep are all he wants.He bursts through the door and kicks his shoes off with guided steps so they fly down the hallway and not through the television screen (for the second time). The door shuts behind him and he throws his scarf in whatever direction; his backpack falling at his feet. His throat is dry and the rest of him is wet. He needs a drink. He's sweating under his jacket.'Water or coffee?' he asks Seunghyun, while balancing on one leg trying to get his socks off. The effort draws his attention and he spends a terse minute fighting with his pants. He finds his balance after a near fall and hums quiet congratulations when his socks come loose.'Hyung--?'No answer.Jiyong resigns himself to apologising for whatever he's done because there's obviously something going on if Seunghyun isn't responding even now.
'Look, I'm sorry I was late for lunch,' Jiyong turns, apologising, but stops abruptly.
Seunghyun isn't mad because he was late for lunch.
Jiyong balks at the sight of him. Seunghyun has his hand pressed so tightly over his mouth, the skin around his fingers has gone pale. He's staring at the floor with his shoulders hunched. He's sick. That's what Jiyong thinks at first. The way he's standing there like he's about to throw up, trying to hold it in. He's just sick, he isn't angry. It's almost a relief.
'Oh my god? Are you sick?'
Seunghyun doesn't answer.
He doesn't do anything.
Jiyong doesn't know what he can do except get some water or point him to the toilet but Seunghyun knows where it is.
He feels childish for not knowing what to do.
Seunghyun didn't eat much at lunch, Jiyong remembers. He pushed the food around his plate trying to hide his lack of appetite. He didn't think about it at the time. Seunghyun wasn't hungry, that happens.
'Why didn't you say anything?' Jiyong asks. 'If you were sick, why didn't you call and cancel?'
He moves to take Seunghyun's arm and sit him down somewhere but t
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