TF: So avoidance of attachment needs is another form of attachment.
JW: Yes. In the field of developmental psychology known as “attachment
theory,” one form of insecure attachment is called “avoidant attachment.” The
avoidant attachment style develops in children whose parents are consistently
unavailable emotionally. So these children learn to take care of themselves and
not need anything from others. That’s their adaptive strategy, and it’s an
intelligent and useful one. Obviously if your needs aren’t going to be met, it’s too
painful to keep feeling them. It’s better to turn away from them and develop a
do-it-yourself, detached compensatory identity.