We should use objective, not subjective, criteria to make our decision.
Note that if you wanted to correct the punctuation error of the original
sentence, it would read: “It’s easy to understand why some of us lean
toward selecting Florida, but we should use objective, not subjective, criteria
to make the decision.”
What do you think? Did Brad catch all the errors? What do you think
of his fixes? Remember, there’s always more than one way to write something
well.
Here’s how his latest version reads:
Bottom line: Of the three site options, the best choice is Georgia. My
analysis used proprietary stochastic simulation techniques (see
attached). Incorporating data collected from over one hundred sources,
from the government and other public sources to interviews, the design
of the model required creativity and diligence. All data was verified by
fact checkers.
Here are answers to three key questions.
Q: What data did you collect?
A: Over five hundred separate facts from various data sources were
collected.
Q: Why is Georgia a better choice than Florida or Illinois?
A: Georgia is the best choice because of the low risk of business interruptions
resulting from weather, transportation, and labor.
Q: What’s the most compelling benefit of choosing Georgia?
A: Diversification. Diversification allows us to reduce our vulnerability to
the potential of weather, labor unrest, zoning, or taxation issues
occurring in Florida. If any of these events occur in Florida, and we
have two factories there, both of them would be affected, and thus
our potential exposure would be doubled. We should use objective,
not subjective, criteria to make our decision. If we do that, we must
conclude that the site with the highest profit potential at the lowest
risk is Georgia.
We should use objective, not subjective, criteria to make our decision.
Note that if you wanted to correct the punctuation error of the original
sentence, it would read: “It’s easy to understand why some of us lean
toward selecting Florida, but we should use objective, not subjective, criteria
to make the decision.”
What do you think? Did Brad catch all the errors? What do you think
of his fixes? Remember, there’s always more than one way to write something
well.
Here’s how his latest version reads:
Bottom line: Of the three site options, the best choice is Georgia. My
analysis used proprietary stochastic simulation techniques (see
attached). Incorporating data collected from over one hundred sources,
from the government and other public sources to interviews, the design
of the model required creativity and diligence. All data was verified by
fact checkers.
Here are answers to three key questions.
Q: What data did you collect?
A: Over five hundred separate facts from various data sources were
collected.
Q: Why is Georgia a better choice than Florida or Illinois?
A: Georgia is the best choice because of the low risk of business interruptions
resulting from weather, transportation, and labor.
Q: What’s the most compelling benefit of choosing Georgia?
A: Diversification. Diversification allows us to reduce our vulnerability to
the potential of weather, labor unrest, zoning, or taxation issues
occurring in Florida. If any of these events occur in Florida, and we
have two factories there, both of them would be affected, and thus
our potential exposure would be doubled. We should use objective,
not subjective, criteria to make our decision. If we do that, we must
conclude that the site with the highest profit potential at the lowest
risk is Georgia.
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