for your 1st draft
Introductory : I think It's perfect, You can funnel from a wide topic to a narrow topic smoothly.
B1: I think you're use a word 'Koh Chang' again and again. Also, you can change to a connecting word, for example also, although , as well and in addition. as well I think 'there are' is appropriate for 3rd Koh Chang.
B2: There're very short paragraph, It's need more sentences. such as describe why Trat has many seafoods.
B3: There're no problem.
conclusion : There are not smooth reading, because you use 'we' too much. please change it to another word.
In my opinion, I prefer to use 'you' or 'they' more than 'we'. But It depends on you whatever you think is best.
for your 1st draftIntroductory : I think It's perfect, You can funnel from a wide topic to a narrow topic smoothly. B1: I think you're use a word 'Koh Chang' again and again. Also, you can change to a connecting word, for example also, although , as well and in addition. as well I think 'there are' is appropriate for 3rd Koh Chang.B2: There're very short paragraph, It's need more sentences. such as describe why Trat has many seafoods.B3: There're no problem.conclusion : There are not smooth reading, because you use 'we' too much. please change it to another word.In my opinion, I prefer to use 'you' or 'they' more than 'we'. But It depends on you whatever you think is best.
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