“hey I just got your package! This book looks incredible and the letter is really nice. I guess I didn’t tell you I’m pulling a Chantal and moving to an island today! I’m clearing out of this apartment and heading to Ko Samet island about 3 hrs south east from BKK. I totally forgot you asked for my address so lucky it came in today!
Can’t wait to hit the beach and get to reading. I haven’t started the yoga yet but Amin was asking me all about it too. I’ve read the whole book that came with the yoga though. I’ll start it on the island for sure. So I better start packing cuz I wanna head to the bus station in an hour or so… love you and thanks again!”
The letter was among his few personal belongings when he passed away, and it was cremated with him in Thailand. I count myself blessed to have been a part of his incredible life and that space of love in which he enveloped himself.
I’m learning through this process. I think more than anything I’ve realised that it’s so important to take care of ourselves when we can. When life hits hard, it’s impossible to eat totally clean, to stick to a meditation routine, to get as much movement as your body needs to thrive.
Looking back, I can see how so many of the things I’ve experienced have helped prepare me for this crisis. The routines I’d gotten into in the past two years, the things I’ve learned about myself, and the incredible people I’ve surrounded myself with- though they are one fewer- have made me more capable of handling this. It’s strange to say that I feel like everything was somehow leading up to this point, but I think some part of me knew that one day something would happen that I wouldn’t be able to deal with if I didn’t get my shit together. All the yoga, workshops, healthy food, meditation, kirtan, conversations, yoga nidra, reiki, and time spent outdoors have taught me so much.
A big turning point for me happened just over a year ago, when I began to talk to my inner voice. For so many people this is second nature, and a big part of remaining balanced, but for me it’s been something I have to consciously practice. When I first said hello to Chantal, she was a child, crying, scared and grasping. She knew that something was very wrong with certain choices I had made. As I’ve learned to know her better and listen over time, she’s grown. I noticed it happening slowly. A few months ago, I was aware that her voice had actually changed, and I was hearing something closer to a 20-year old version of me. She sounded more clear, confident, calm and motivated. The morning after I arrived back in Ottawa when I received the news of Aaron’s death, I checked in with her. I asked how she was doing and what she needed and was surprised to hear a new voice speaking back. Suddenly she was me, now, and she was loud and clear. Though she was deeply hurting, sad and confused, she seemed to know that I will not stop listening to her voice, my deepest intuition, and honouring what I need.
This loss has really driven home for me that life is so fragile, so short and changes so quickly that NOT listening to myself makes absolutely no sense. It’s essential that we carve out spaces for ourselves to do the things that make us feel great. I no longer worry so much about what other people think, and I put confidence in my decisions because they’re more in line with my true values. In this time of pain, it’s so helpful to know that I can trust that I will give myself or ask others openly for whatever it might be that I need. And as much as it somehow seems wrong to think it at a time of such deep mourning and loss, I find myself still marvelling at the crazy beauty of the world and life. It constantly makes me reflect on how far I’ve come and how the practice of both monitoring and honouring my deepest thoughts and feelings has helped me to avoid falling into a deep, dark place that I once knew well.
My challenge is now, as always, in building balance and learning as much as I can from this experience. I need to grieve and I need to build a little life for myself in Ottawa. I’m not looking too far ahead. I am really only able to go with the flow, which is right where I always want to be. I’m keeping my eyes open, my head up and am practicing being grateful for everything I have while being open to whatever may come. I’m thinking of Aaron and his loving presence every day. I miss him.
TwitterPocket
"เฮ้ ศิริแพคเกจของคุณ หนังสือเล่มนี้ดูไม่น่าเชื่อ และตัวอักษรในการ ผมคิดว่า ผมไม่ได้บอกคุณผมดึง Chantal การ และย้ายไปเกาะวันนี้ ผมล้างจากนี้ และเดินทางไปเกาะเสม็ดเกาะเกี่ยวกับ 3 ชั่วโมงตะวันออกเฉียงใต้จาก BKK ทั้งหมดลืมขอที่อยู่ของฉันโชคดีได้มาในวันนี้ ไม่สามารถรอที่จะตีชายหาด และได้รับการอ่าน ผมยังไม่ได้เริ่มการโยคะยัง แต่ Amin ถูกถามเกี่ยวกับมันมากเกินไป ผมได้อ่านหนังสือทั้งหมดที่มาพร้อมกับการฝึกโยคะว่า ฉันจะเริ่มต้นมันบนเกาะแน่ ดังนั้น ยิ่งเริ่มบรรจุเพราะอยากจะมุ่งหน้าไปสถานีขนส่งในชั่วโมง หรือดังนั้น... รักคุณและขอบคุณอีกครั้ง"ตัวอักษรถูกระหว่างทรัพย์สินส่วนตัวของเขาสองสามเมื่อเขาเสียชีวิต และมันถูกเผากับเขาในประเทศไทย ผมนับเองความสุขที่ได้เป็นส่วนหนึ่งของชีวิตที่น่าทึ่งของเขาและพื้นที่ของความรักที่เขาห่อหุ้มตัวเองเรียนผ่านขั้นตอนนี้ ผมคิดว่า มากกว่า สิ่งได้ตระหนักว่า มันเป็นสิ่งสำคัญในการดูแลตนเองเมื่อเราสามารถ เมื่อชีวิตชนหนัก ไม่กินทั้งหมดสะอาด ติดขั้นตอนการทำสมาธิ การเคลื่อนไหวมากที่สุดเท่าที่ร่างกายต้องการเจริญเติบโตLooking back, I can see how so many of the things I’ve experienced have helped prepare me for this crisis. The routines I’d gotten into in the past two years, the things I’ve learned about myself, and the incredible people I’ve surrounded myself with- though they are one fewer- have made me more capable of handling this. It’s strange to say that I feel like everything was somehow leading up to this point, but I think some part of me knew that one day something would happen that I wouldn’t be able to deal with if I didn’t get my shit together. All the yoga, workshops, healthy food, meditation, kirtan, conversations, yoga nidra, reiki, and time spent outdoors have taught me so much.A big turning point for me happened just over a year ago, when I began to talk to my inner voice. For so many people this is second nature, and a big part of remaining balanced, but for me it’s been something I have to consciously practice. When I first said hello to Chantal, she was a child, crying, scared and grasping. She knew that something was very wrong with certain choices I had made. As I’ve learned to know her better and listen over time, she’s grown. I noticed it happening slowly. A few months ago, I was aware that her voice had actually changed, and I was hearing something closer to a 20-year old version of me. She sounded more clear, confident, calm and motivated. The morning after I arrived back in Ottawa when I received the news of Aaron’s death, I checked in with her. I asked how she was doing and what she needed and was surprised to hear a new voice speaking back. Suddenly she was me, now, and she was loud and clear. Though she was deeply hurting, sad and confused, she seemed to know that I will not stop listening to her voice, my deepest intuition, and honouring what I need.This loss has really driven home for me that life is so fragile, so short and changes so quickly that NOT listening to myself makes absolutely no sense. It’s essential that we carve out spaces for ourselves to do the things that make us feel great. I no longer worry so much about what other people think, and I put confidence in my decisions because they’re more in line with my true values. In this time of pain, it’s so helpful to know that I can trust that I will give myself or ask others openly for whatever it might be that I need. And as much as it somehow seems wrong to think it at a time of such deep mourning and loss, I find myself still marvelling at the crazy beauty of the world and life. It constantly makes me reflect on how far I’ve come and how the practice of both monitoring and honouring my deepest thoughts and feelings has helped me to avoid falling into a deep, dark place that I once knew well.My challenge is now, as always, in building balance and learning as much as I can from this experience. I need to grieve and I need to build a little life for myself in Ottawa. I’m not looking too far ahead. I am really only able to go with the flow, which is right where I always want to be. I’m keeping my eyes open, my head up and am practicing being grateful for everything I have while being open to whatever may come. I’m thinking of Aaron and his loving presence every day. I miss him.TwitterPocket
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