HarrietWhat did you think of Harrie

Harriet
What did you think of Harriet’s E-mail? Most people think it’s pretty
good. It’s benefit oriented and reader focused (scoring a seven on the
Empathy Index). It has a good lead and the close suggests specific action.
It adheres to the standards of excellence we’ve discussed thus far. What
it lacks, however, is specifics. Review the paragraphs above the E-mail
to remind yourself of the facts and numbers that are available, and revise
Harriet’s E-mail to add specificity.
How did you do? Were you able to integrate several numbers into
the text? As you read your revision, can you hear how every sentence
sounds stronger and more believable when numbers and statistics are
included?
There are several effective ways to revise Harriet’s E-mail. Here’s one: