Brad was pleased with his revision.

Brad was pleased with his revision. “It ended up being a lot more concise
than the previous version. There are now 196 words and fifteen sentences,
so my average sentence length is just over thirteen words. My
Empathy Index was good, too. I had only two references to myself, but
there were eight references to the corporation or the committee members;
that’s a score of positive six.”
Confirm That Your Document Is Visually Appealing
Look at your document through your readers’ eyes. Is it neat and easy to
follow? If you’re sending an E-mail, does it look like it was dashed off in
a hurry, or does it convey a professional image? Regarding this example,
Brad said, “I printed the report and attachments on letterhead, added
a cover sheet, and thought it looked great.”
Read It with a Critical Eye
Even if you only have minutes to conceive, draft, revise, and produce a
finished message, take a breather before your final read through. Time
allows you to read it with a fresh perspective, and you’re likely to spot
errors you might not have caught otherwise.
Brad said, “I didn’t realize that I hadn’t mentioned the Illinois site even
once until my final read through. Only then did I notice that my closing
paragraph on diversification needed to refer to Illinois, too. I’m convinced
that taking the breather saved the day. I also revised the first paragraph
to streamline the resource listing.”
Here are Brad’s original paragraphs:
Bottom line: Of the three site options, the best choice is Georgia. My
analysis used proprietary stochastic simulation techniques (see
attached). Incorporating data collected from over one hundred sources,
from the government and other public sources to interviews, the design
of the model required creativity and diligence. All data was verified by
fact checkers.